Filed under: au, drabbles, kacieverse, the way you make me feel | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, chrihanna, chrihanna!friendship, drabbles, exclusive!chris, kacestopher, kacieverse, OTP: if you and i were meant to be, OTP: princess and the prince, the way you make me feel, toy drabble x 11
a/n: this shit ended up being as long as an add, enjoy!
set in june ’07 | drabble: dominate | word count: 4,400+
“If you’re a couple, why don’t you just put it out there?” Maya wants to argue me down, and I’m not really in the mood for it. I pinch the bridge of my nose and make a sound rifled with annoyance as I glare at her and continue putting on my shoes.
“We’re not a couple. We’re fucking, but… it’s complicated.” I wet my bottom lip with my tongue as I stand up tall and glance at myself in the reflection of the walls we past them.
She’s too fucking nosey, and it irks me to the core. No matter how much she wants to prove her worth, it won’t happen any time soon. She really doesn’t want the distraction of the media having a field day with it and chasing her down for statements. She’s not ready.
“You’re not ready to handle something like that anyway, Maya. Let it marinate.” I spend the entire time contemplating what the fuck to do with her as we leave the state of Virginia not too long after she clears her throat and make some comment about being too fucking complicated.
Robyn tackles me in LAX and the pictures are on MediaTakeOut within hours. I don’t care. I abandon my crew, who’s out here basically for the whole month, just to be with her. I get looks of disapproval for a brief second, but I’m sure they fade once I hop into the chauffeured SUV with her and pull away to her apartment.
“Three days of just you and me…you excited?” She murmurs in between kisses and I smile, appropriately feeling lifted as she tells me all the things she wants to do to past the time, and I feel powerless but I don’t care.
For the moment, she’s in control.
Filed under: adds, au, completed, kacieverse, random, thinking of you | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, chrihanna, chrihanna!friendship, completed, kacieverse, OTP: the lady in my life, otp: you're all i need, smut, summertime!chris, thinking of you
And on and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I’ll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I’ll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.
26.
“One of Vibe Magazine’s up and coming writers, Kacie DeVaughn was involved in a near fatal car crash last night at Mount Sinai Hospital, and shortly after, boyfriend and rumored fiancée Chris Brown was reportedly seen running towards the scene, only to disappear in the hospital for hours, possibly suffering from trauma related panic attacks…”
“Sources say Chris Brown led a small mob down Madison Avenue before reaching the scene and rushing instantly to the aid of rumored fiancée Kacie DeVaughn…”
“Brown’s ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran was reportedly seen driving onto the sidewalk to purposely trap Ms. DeVaughn into the side of Mount Sinai Hospital while recording season two of VH1 reality show titled Love and Hip Hop…”
“Us here at CNN might have had our ups and downs with Mr. Brown and his on-goings, but it’s apparent that in this time we can set that aside and wish for a speedy recovery for both him and his girlfriend…”
“A recent Billboard Chart update has shown Brown’s latest release, FORTUNE, has shot from number two in the Pop, Hip-Hop, and R&B charts from number four, two, and three respectively, to number one since its release twelve weeks ago…”
“Chris Brown and his rumored fiancée Kacie DeVaughn was reportedly held up in DeVaughn’s undisclosed private room for hours while fans filled the streets outside, rallying for the health of the couple…”
“Ooh, this is a real juicy hot topic, have you seen the pictures of Chris Brown and his girlfriend Kacie, the Vibe writer, uh-huh… leaving lunch earlier in the week and he held her stomach like there’s something they’re not telling us? Ooooh…What’s Rihanna going to think?”
“The only positive thing about this has to be the fact that you’re just not ‘chris brown’s girlfriend’…They know your name, girl.” Morgan pacified Kacie as she reappeared from the bathroom and glared at the screen.
I felt her lips briefly press against my head and I closed my eyes after opening one to peek at her, and heard her bed squeak as she got back on it.
Every few seconds, Morgan would flip through the channels and get a glimpse of what was being said about us in order for her to fine-tune our statement, but I was getting more and more annoyed by the moment. I figured TV commentary would be easier than getting a handle on Internet rumors though, so I allowed it.
“They damn well should, they keep talking about us. I have a name and if they weren’t using it, I’d be pissed, to be honest. But c’mon Mo, don’t you have enough quotes by now? The TV is pissing me off… Twitter is pissing me off… my growling stomach is pissing me off… I can’t wait to get to Richmond, I’ma go ham in the food kiosks man.” Kacie groaned loudly as Morgan flipped through the channels and eventually settled back to where I had left it last night, on an outdated episode of Futurama.
“That was a dumb decision, huh?” Morgan murmured softly as I heard Kacie cluck her tongue and I sunk deeper into the sofa-like chair, trying to get comfortable.
My fucking eyes had started to burn after trying to focus on her for the majority of the night, and between watching her sleep, helping her to the bathroom a few times in the hazy darkness of the room, and creeping over to the window on occasion to groan at the growing crowd outside.
I was definitely on low reserve by the time Morgan got here, telling us we’d be able to leave soon, and hung around to pen as best as an official statement as three hours of sleep could create. Continue reading
Filed under: adds, au, completed, kacieverse, thinking of you, Uncategorized | Tags: angst, angstopher, au, completed, kacieverse, OTP: the lady in my life, otp: you're all i need, summertime!chris, thinking of you
a/n: hi new commenters and old ones as well. thanks for all the hits. i’m getting nervous as hell, but … *deep breath* here goes nothing! oh and trust and believe, it might seem easy now but…. not for long.
I’ll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I’ll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They’re one in the same, I must isolate you…
Isolate and save you from yourself …
My legs are on fire.
I feel like I’m taping the chase scene in Takers as I dart through cars and traffic and make my way down the street, towards the chaos I see ahead of me. I clock two blocks within minutes. I’m nothing but air in motion, running lights and putting myself in danger at the same time, but I don’t care. I don’t care that people are stopping and a few have started to run with me, or that I’m leaving an SUV abandoned in traffic after Pat got out in an attempt to stop me.
It’s all useless. I have to get there.
I look over my shoulder briefly and see that Pat has started back towards the SUV. My phone is blaring in my pocket, but I can’t stop to answer it. I’m too close to the scene, and when I reach it, my heart starts to beat rapidly in my chest.
And then I see them.
Filed under: adds, completed, kacieverse, thinking of you | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, chrihanna!friendship, completed, kacieverse, OTP: the lady in my life, summertime!chris, thinking of you, toy x 24
I’m lost in the World, I’m down on my mind
I’m new in the city, and I’m down for the night
Down for the night
Said she’s down for the night
24.
In comparison to a few years ago, I really appreciate her company. Just being around and honestly wanting it makes me anxious to do whatever she wants me to do knowing that she’s definitely going to be mines forever. I definitely might sound like a lovesick teenager, but I’m in love with her and she feels the same about me, and it makes me so happy that I can barely deal with it at times.
For a while I believed that I didn’t deserve to be happy. Being swamped with the roughest case of teenage angst and the ability to have whatever I wanted at my fingertips after growing up with virtually nothing contributed heavily to that. She’s mines without the connotations of possession anymore. I’m hers. It’s a bond I don’t regret forming for anything in the world because I needed it in my life, for all sorts of various reasons.
She taught me things. It’s funny that I admit it now, but I can contribute my education on anime, food, the possibility of art education, and painting, my interest in skateboarding, and kissing, and climbing out of windows and breaking hearts, and fucking up the best thing that ever happened to me, and regrets, and how to answer a question without answering a question, and the entire rundown on Michael Jackson’s whole career to her.
So many times, I’ve given her the opportunity to tell me to fuck off and never talk to me again, but they were only temporary. I only dreamed about the situations in which me and her would be together forever without interruption or drama, but never thought they would truly become a reality. I never imagined that she would really be my wife outside of fantasies I’ve entertained about the future.
It’s taken me too long for me to relax and seriously get used to the fact that for some reason, she doesn’t see herself backing down or giving up on me. It goes deeper than just physical relations, which is surprising to anyone who hasn’t been around to witness the bullshit I put her through. There’s a history and some sense of triumph that she gets when I show her just how much she means to me and in turn she does exactly what she always wanted to do – make me a better person.
It makes me smile just knowing that we’re growing and it’s going to definitely be worth it. The kick-off of this summer has been…crazy, and there’s a lot of stuff in the future that has me anxious to wake up every morning and see what’s going to happen next. There’s a FORTUNE tour, videos, the development of UGLY, the Pepsi campaign, and whatever appearances I confirm in the future, and that’s just the business aspect of it all.
On the home front, there’s an engagement to deal with, a wedding in the future, and a possible baby on the way. I have to think about re-locating and cementing myself as a father and it’s scary and new and it’s eye-opening, and I never realized how much I really needed this change until now.
I’ve tried to change myself plenty of times before, but it’s never worked out like it’s starting to work out now. Not in the more than two years we were “together” did I imagine that she would be the one to get me to set my shit straight and change me for the best after I’d put her through the worst.
She glances at her ring and I find myself examining mines too, feeling the warmth that overcomes me. I try to remember all of the reasons I bought that ring. She’s smart. She’s generous. She’s pretty. And she loves me. As I’ve done yesterday, the day before that, and every day since I met her, I try to convince myself that it’s enough.
I still don’t know why she even bothers. But when thinking about the future, I know that we both needed to simply grow up in order to appreciate the fact that fate has determined her to be my soulmate, and without her, I’m useless.
Filed under: au, drabbles, kacieverse, the way you make me feel | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, chrihanna, chrihanna!friendship, drabbles, exclusive!chris, kacestopher, kacieverse, OTP: if you and i were meant to be, smut, the way you make me feel, toy drabble x 10
a/n: drabbles will be back after chapter 30.
set in may 07 | drabble: alone | word count: 2,400+
“I spent all my damn time with her, and she just… basically told me fuck you,” I watching the crew of dancers as they continued going over the choreography for the dance portion of the next scene. “She’s still blaming me for that bitch ass nigga Bailey not being able to compete.”
“Everything ain’t a competition though. She’ll come around if that’s what you want, but figure out if it’s worth it first.” JD murmured from the floor as he rounded out and grabbed a water bottle from the cooler next to me.
“It is worth it. We have to wait until…the right moment I guess, but it’s not like I’m just gonna ditch her and put all my effort into Robyn unless she flat out tells me that. It pisses me off though.” I grunted as I turned back to the notepad in my lap and continued writing ideas down.
I was focused on the future though, getting into negotiations about what I’d before at the MTV Video Music Awards in September. I was doodling out what came to mind, running through the idea that wouldn’t get out of my head. I didn’t need to think about her, or anything but the music.
“So you’re pissed ‘cause she told you to fuck off?” Janina asked, but she knew the answer to that.
Of course I was still mad, shit – Robyn wasn’t coming back until the second week of June, and that was annoying. Kacie wasn’t talking to me.
“Ya’ll need couples therapy.” Helen laughed as I gave her the finger and went back to my doodles, ignoring everyone. Continue reading
Filed under: drabbles, kacieverse, thinking of you | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, drabbles, exclusive!chris, kacestopher, kacieverse, OTP: if you and i were meant to be, smut, the way you make me feel, toy drabble x 9
set in may 07 | drabble: afraid | word count: 3,100+
It’s official. I don’t like Caleb Morris Bailey – fuck him all the way down to our matching initials – and Kacie’s just gonna have to get over it. I’ve been pissed and brooding for the last two days, and if I didn’t have an interview with Giant Magazine later, I’d probably be on my way back to Virginia right now, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this bullshit.
I called myself not caring. I attempted to not get involved and becoming a firm believer in her whole ‘willing to wait’ campaign, but fuck that. I’ve been recording almost non-stop, taking a break to sleep for three hours, shower in the bathroom, and get right back to virtually singing about anything that comes to mind.
Tina claims I can easily work out whatever’s bothering me by using my voice, but I ignore her. I’d rather use my hands and my mouth but I’m damn sure not trying to go to an entire different continent to work out my intense frustration, which is now both, sexual and mentally crippling.
I don’t know why I’m so…unstable in my decision between leaving Kacie alone to pursue Robyn, and then blowing Robyn off to tempt Kacie. Maybe the bullshit conversation I had with Drew and the engineers that hung around with me for the majority of the night held a bit of truth to it.
I didn’t need to necessarily commit to either of them unless it was going to work out in my favor, but for the most part I was just being fucking greedy and trying to enjoy both of them at the same time, and was pretty sure I’d continue to do so until I got one of them to push me away fully.
It’s still a tedious process of “hurry up and wait until it’s your turn”; a limbo of sorts. I can’t stop thinking about either of them, and I find myself throwing my frustration, my fears, everything I have into the studio session. I focus almost too much on the songs, the retakes, and the lyrics until I can barely say anything else, just like I wanted to.
I can’t seem to stop pouring out my emotions, but I’m still pissed in the inside. Hurt, even. After hours of hard work there are two of us left, me and Barry, like always – Pat left hours ago to go back to Hollis, and instead of moving, I just sit on the couch and remain there.
I’m already physically and emotionally exhausted. The piece of paper digging in my hip doesn’t help the aching I feel there and in my ribs, and even in my hand, which still shoots up my arm here and there with tingles that can only come after punching someone in the mouth.
I rip the leg in the paper frog by accident, but it doesn’t matter. I can still read the words by heart.
Filed under: adds, completed, kacieverse, thinking of you | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, chrihanna, chrihanna!friendship, completed, kacieverse, ot3: chris x kace x robyn, OT3: i never said things were perfect, OTP: the lady in my life, smut, summertime!chris, thinking of you, toy x 22
a/n: i am so not responsible for the heavy angst and the what the fuck moments in this chapter. and, quite possibly, there might be tears, sooo….. there’s a warning.
I could corrupt you
In a heartbeat
You think you’re so special
Think you’re so sweet
22.
“Hey Chris, this is Daz. Um, would you mind coming to my place to pick up Kacie? Normally she’d just call a cab but … listen, she passed out earlier and then her patch beeped and she’s okay now, but… yeah. I just need someone to come and get her. Call me when you’re on your way, please.”
I was drumming my fingertips against the dashboard as I sighed, wondering how long it would take for her to come down and talk to me about whatever the fuck was going on.
I think I’ve replayed this voicemail about seventeen times, wondering how long it would take for someone to explain to me what the hell was really going on. I think this is the third time in the last few days I’ve had to sit around with her, not really knowing exactly what’s going on.
Okay, she’s not sick but something is wrong with her, and it’s scaring me. It reminds me of how I found out about her heart condition to an extent, and my head rests against the dashboard at the thought of losing her. Why now? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
When the door opens and she folds her arms across her chest and stares straight ahead, I don’t press her to tell me anything.
“I didn’t pass out. Daz is just overreacting like always.” She licked her lip and adjusted in the seat.
“Something happened,” I stated as I felt her eyes on me, and I sighed. “What happened?”
“You know how I get when I get too excited. We were talking about the Pepsi thing and I just…you know, felt lightheaded. And I guess, my heart started beating too fast and my ICD confused it with heart failure. Do you think I’m gonna do this shit at the alter? I almost did it back in March when I was on stage…” She frowned, and narrowed her gaze out of the window.
“So…you’re okay.” I glanced at her and she nodded, and sat back in her seat.
“I might go back to check, but yeah. Don’t worry.” She reassured me as I attempted to wade out of the traffic flow and get us back home.
“Well, even if you did or if you didn’t, it couldn’t have been as scary as when you did that in front of me for the first time. But we haven’t had to worry about this since… what, two thousand seven?” My eyebrow rose as she looked over at me, and nodded.
“Only you can make me feel even more embarrassed about the one time I temporarily blacked out during sex.” She blushed, and I laughed for the first time since I’d gotten the call from Daz earlier.
It scared the hell out of me, and it was difficult for me to understand or process, even years later. We just didn’t talk about it. I had it stored away with the uber sensitive shit, and that’s where it would stay. She barely mentioned it and I barely asked about it.
It was one of our many unspoken arrangements. Continue reading
Filed under: adds, drabbles, kacieverse, the way you make me feel | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, chrihanna, chrihanna!friendship, drabbles, exclusive!chris, kacieverse, OTP: if you and i were meant to be, smut, the way you make me feel, toy drabble x 8
set in may 07 | drabble: rebellious | word count: 2,400+
“Chris, get your hand off of my ass so I can move.” I register the sharp threat from the female next to me, but in my mind, the accents slosh and slur and form this weird, island-country tone.
I almost forgot where I was, and makes me sit up, and everything starts to pour back in, slowly but surely. The first thing I remembered though was the note I’d kept clutched in my hand for the duration of the past four days, which really had pissed me off.
How would you feel, going to sleep with someone and finding out that every trace of them had disappeared when you woke up? Kacie had fucking hauled ass out of the hotel room, and I wanted to punch myself in the stomach several times when every message I’d sent went ignored, and every call had gone straight to voicemail.
Instead of simply popping up – myspace had warned me to stay the fuck away from her when I saw the updated status update from a bitch ass named Caleb Bailey that had told me how excited he was to go hang out with his wifey in New York – I went to party instead.
I had to shake her from my thoughts. Obviously, whatever the fuck I thought I wanted, I knew would ruin things, so I couldn’t advance on it.
I was in too deep already, but still, I had a girlfriend.
She had Bailey. A fucking Facebook official, in a relationship, boyfriend, who’d been pussy enough to follow her to University of Illinois-Chicago in the fall, and I couldn’t do shit about it.
Even though I couldn’t accept it, I had to swallow it down and basically fucking deal with it. Continue reading
Filed under: adds, au, drabbles, kacieverse, the way you make me feel | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, au, drabbles, exclusive!chris, kacieverse, OTP: if you and i were meant to be, the way you make me feel, toy drabble x 7
set in may 2007 | drabble: frantic | word count: 3,300+
KC
You’re in suite 804 for real? Set up or just a coincidence?
CB
Coincidence I guess. Are you here?
KC
LOSER lmfao open the door plz
I was too damned anxious to climb out of bed to get to her. I was already in a good mood, and she had the ability to make it better. I heard the familiar pattering of the newly gifted puppy as she followed me to the door and I smiled at Kacie sliding in through the unlocked door.
“Hi.” She greeted me softly. I hadn’t seen Kacie since Australia, and between then and now, she’d graduated, packed up half of her stuff and sent it here, and finally, had a summer to spend with me.
I instantly picked her up, feet hovering over the floor in a crushing hug as soon as she closed the door behind herself. I was determined to make sure this summer didn’t end up weird between the two of us like she anticipated.
“Don’t just hi me, what’s up? How you doin’? I see you made it back to me just fine…” I was rambling as I looked at her, really looked at her, and once I did, I couldn’t stop looking.
The look on her face made me roll my tongue out and swipe my lips because I wasn’t the only one looking. She looked so fucking cute too, her hair was growing and on top of her head, and I could see her stomach peeking through the slits and cuts in her shirt underneath the cut off hoodie she had on. I wanted to resist instantly gripping her hips as I eyed her from head to toe, but I knew I couldn’t.
She wasn’t surprised –she leaned in like she was almost expecting it– when I came closer and picked her up again, crushing her against the door, just really, really happy to fucking see her.
Filed under: adds, completed, kacieverse, thinking of you | Tags: adds, angst, angstopher, chrihanna, chrihanna!friendship, completed, kacieverse, ot3: chris x kace x robyn, OT3: i never said things were perfect, OTP: the lady in my life, otp: you're all i need, smut, summertime!chris, thinking of you, toy x 20
But she’s special, I know to ya’ll I come off as rough
But I’m the nicest to her, and I just want to concur
A relation, I want the cheesy dates at the movies
And stupid walks at the beach, and sharin’ straws in a cup
20.
“Baby, that was all fucking bad.” Kacie gripped the bag from Loi in her hand as she shuttered, following me over to the couch.
“Quickie fail is an understatement. Be lucky she didn’t knock on the windows and see if we were okay.” I leaned against the reflecting mirrors in the entertainment center and glanced at the marks on my neck as I sighed wistfully, sinking down to the floor.
“Those headlights scared the hell out of you. You, the motherfucker who’s pulled me into several bathrooms to have sex, got scared over headlights? Punk.” She teased as she popped the lid on her food and sat down next to me, swirling the lemon scented sauce around the orzo.
“Girl, after having paparazzi in my face all night, I don’t even know how I let you convince me into getting off like that.” I grabbed the extra fork and broke off a hunk of fish, savoring it as I swallowed it while Kacie wasn’t looking.
Maya’s name and picture popped up on my screen display as I started reclining on my back and unlacing my shoes, but I ignored it. There was nothing to be said there. Kacie glanced at it and picked it up as I sat my shoes against the couch, but I shook my head and she sat it down.
“Don’t answer that. I’ma give her a chance to explain herself to my answering machine, and if she doesn’t, she’s not going to like the result of that. She’s foul, flat out. She could have told me that she was dealing with Karrueche, instead of trying to persuade me to tone down my intentions of being a married man. What the fuck.”
“Did you tell her you got a restraining order on her?” Kacie started unraveling the bun in her head as I stabbed spears of her salmon and nodded.
Christine had been the one to update every other extended member of my team about the development when we were back in LA, and I had gotten a copy of the email myself, and I know for a fact that it was sent to both Maya’s business email, and personal account, so it wasn’t shit she didn’t have to even pretend to be unaware about.
“So she’s still going to be disrespectful, and a bitch, and bring her the fuck out here? What a rude fucking cunt.” She commented as she twisted her hair into a braid and I shrugged, not really caring anymore. I had other things to focus on, and whatever Maya decided to do with Tran was not my issue. Continue reading
she writes -- you read. 