she writes — you read.

something about us x 25

What you’ve got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I’m all strung up my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind


Vrblinterc0urse: RT @XSTROLOGY: #Taurus craves touch and affection like a drug. | just now via Twitter for iPhone

This thing between us has never ever been simple. Always complicated, and started the moment he first touched me. I remember my dad telling me no matter who he worked with, I could talk as much as I wanted to, and look too, but touching?

Touching was definitely out of the question, and crossed boundaries I probably would never be prepared for. But as I grew out of reluctant shyness and explored my curiosity, I definitely grew hard-headed, and it did not help when I met Chris.

Once upon a time, we were just friends, in every sense of the word. Talking and stares got us through a lot, and it worked cool. It pleased both sides, which weren’t ready for anything related to a relationship that would snatch him from his fanbase. So, we did like we were told. I struggled through my emotions, and he was just my friend.

Well we were, until I hugged him for the first time.

It wasn’t even more than two minutes, but it definitely changed everything. If O hadn’t pointed him out and made it his business to approach him, I would have missed him. We talked and he stood around with us, scooting closer to me on the couch we’d been sitting on for like, forty minutes, and never taking his eyes off of me.

Omari put on his overprotective role in a finger snap instant the second he noticed I was showing small instances of my then crush on Chris. But this predated our blow up period – motherfucking exclusive, I love it – and I was still nervous to touch him though, because when I’m attracted to someone, I’m physical and need to be close and will stare and constantly become overcome with a need to touch the intended person.

I think I touched his arm and brushed up against his shoulder like several times before he started to replicate the motions, and it made O pissed, but he wasn’t fooling me when he tried to cover it up. I was just glad he stopped and bullshitted around with us until Barry came to snatch him up, making me roll my eyes.

I’d met Barry way before Chris, and was comfortable enough to pelt him in the face with the beanie I’d wore as I did whatever I could to get just a little bit more closer, trying to be slick at the same time and milk the small time frame for all I could.

When he had to go though, I was not happy about it. He dapped O in the intricate way only two guys could accomplish, and turned to me and stuck out his arms. I hesitated, but pushed forth on a limb. I could trust this guy – I knew it. I felt it in my chest, and he hadn’t proved me wrong or to regret that even to this day.

He joked about me being small as fuck in comparison to his giant, gangly ass – “whoa, you’re tiny, huh?” – while I got eyeballed to the max by a peeved older brother who had folded his arms across his chest while we waited on his best friend. As a matter of fact, thank you for that Shad Moss, and your divalicious antics towards being on time for any fucking thing.

After he disappeared, I got pushed into a ‘you’re hardheaded, you know this is never gonna work, right?’ tirade that I had still yet to occasionally hear the end of, especially with his biggest supporter being Cochi. I hated how O made me felt then. It didn’t matter they had similar friends in common or whatever the fuck it was that sparked a friendship between the two of them, but it was obvious I liked him even when I was seventeen and curious, and it set something off in O that he was not here for.

I’m not sure if it was just for my own good, like a majority of things that irritated me seemed to be, or what it was, but I got treated like I was thirteen and had just tapped into my hormones, which definitely did not work for me at all.

I was never a fan of restriction. I was wound up as it was, and had been as I finally shook myself from the relevancy of my older brother and his many reincarnations, but still was swamped within my own insecurities, leading me through a series of long-winded vents with a psychologist. Thanks to him, my teenage years had been nothing but a revolving door of push and pull friendships laced with use or be used intentions, with the exception of a choice few people.

It was mainly why I knew the small circles I’d come across a few times in my teens – a couple which included his ex, actually – wasn’t and would never be my cup of tea. I could never be a user like many people who feigned for the people I hung out with could be. It was hard enough to stay humble without being labeled fake or a bitch, but fuck that. I knew I had to be out for myself the second I could barely count the people I trusted on my ten fingers.

But he came and shit definitely changed in an instant. I wanted to do nothing more than be around him in the beginning, and that scared me. Independence was a hard concept for me to think of as nothing but totally normal, so my underlying dependency upon him had freaked me the fuck out.

It didn’t help that Omari was around, clocking my every move, trying to steer me away from him, but ultimately losing control once I stood my own. We had spent time on and off together, but being stuck in a city with no real chaperone while my dad flopped in and out of business meetings wasn’t a good idea at all.

That one summer that pushed me closer to my older brother ultimately made me even more fucking irritated and high-strung and conflicted and unsure of myself when it came to making relationship related decisions, whether they were personal or physical at all. I was being blocked and sheltered, and it wasn’t the first time I’d been in the situation, and it definitely wasn’t the last time either.

Still, touching him then was a major fucking breakthrough from a person who had sworn off all of all human contact and trusting anyone after all of the ‘holy shit, you’re related to Omarion?!’ fiascos I had to deal with for the majority of my teenage years.

I was what, twelve when Omari skyrocketed to popularity? Just thinking about those days irritated me to the core. My brother was instantly, not my brother. Like, in the blink of an eye – his maternal siblings – all six of ‘em, got the instant spotlight. Whereas me and my paternal siblings – all three of us, sat back like, what the fuck?

I didn’t trust anyone to get close to me, not really, until I knew they weren’t out to hurt me. I’d been pinched and pushed and poked at too many times for my liking while trying to make friends, both female and male, post appearances with Omari. It made me dislike physical contact for a while, but it’s obvious that I grew out of it.

He was touchy, and when he touched me, I didn’t lose my shit over it. I wanted to touch him back, and I don’t think I ever wanted to touch anyone as bad as I wanted to touch him either. Even if I had to sit back and listen to how he’d had a girlfriend here and a girl he was fucking there, and I’d never be in that position, I just knew I wanted my hands all over him.

With my mind made up about that, I let him get close to me, mainly because he was something I was after… like, just really being close and wrapping my arms around him gave me more confidence than I could ever hype myself up for. Plus, he initiated it, which was surreal, hinting that he had become used to me.

That first hug was so fucking epic, I would never forget it. I stood in place for at least three minutes before peering at Barry – who’d I’d bonded with within like five minutes of meeting him – and pushing myself towards him, holding him a little bit longer than I thought he’d let me.

When I let go, I frowned, because who knew how long it would be before I got to see him again? Who knew what the circumstances would be, and if I would be able to do more than just be timid and careful about my every move? I was tired of traipsing lightly, wondering how long it would be before O would have something to say about it.

And here I was now, staring at him, coming down from his post orgasmic rush, wondering how in the hell had fate dealt me these particular set of cards…

“You know, if this was like, five years ago, I would not be here with your ass.” I candidly admitted as he raised his eyebrow and narrowed his gaze directly at me as his hands settled on my hips.

We’d been attempting to go to sleep after we’d showered, but this shit was not happening like I had expected it to, but then again, why would I? I’d gotten used to talking about anything that was on my mind though, and he was willing to respond without missing a beat.

“Hmph. I blame your brother for that. So glad you’re more open to the situation…” He murmured as I straddled him again and ran my fingers through my hair.

“You and I both… I don’t know what the fuck I let him hold me back for… letting him stunt the development between you and me? Hell no, fuck him for that.” I yawned a bit and pushed my hips upwards as he hissed out a lowly drawn mutter of “Fuck, Kace…” in response.

This motherfucking phone of mines was about seconds away from being tossed across the room. I definitely would have tossed it if I wasn’t so afraid that the second I did it, my screen would shatter like a brick being tossed into a car window.

Mighty O!

You busy tomorrow?

“Baby, put the phone down. I fucking swear, all these interruptions are annoying as shit. I’m gonna end up stashing everything that beeps or makes a noise in one of those boxes I packed my shit in until we leave.” He mumbled as I pecked his lips and quickly responded to the text with a curt, “yup.” and left it at that.

I definitely wasn’t trying to be held back any longer, especially with something useful budding from my talents that I’d gotten notice for by plain old hard work and determination.

Back then, there was no way in hell I could ever consider writing about the lifestyle I’d been pushed in and out of like a light switch, and especially not from my own point of view. He’d stop me in an instant, rant to me for hours on end how it was only going to be bad press, and a whole lot of other shit, him and Leslie both, that discouraged the fuck out of me and shelved a lot of my ideas.

I couldn’t imagine what I’d have to write about then though, in comparison to right now. Thinking about it, I don’t think there would be any way in hell I could begin to stomach drafting anything personal about me and the body I was currently straddling.

Especially not with all of the fear I’d had crammed down my throat. I was awkward when the situation rolled around in which our duo became a trio. I wasn’t myself when Omari was around – especially when me and Chris had finally stopped ignoring our flirtationship and pushed towards slowly figuring out the best methods to handle anything physical that would go down between the two of us.

How in the hell could I ever vocalize any of that, let alone put it into publication? Tuh. His presence worked for the time being – I’d repressed so much shit that when I’d finally started putting it into words, it got a nice amount of attention. But I’d been so used to blogging bullshit lately; I definitely was hesitant in using my words for any other source of entertainment or income.

There was no way in hell I could tell O about this. Chris yeah, of course I could be open with him and his mom both and wouldn’t have anything to worry about, but shit… he’d freak the fuck out. To be honest, I trusted Chris way more than I trusted Omari, and that was fucked up…

I’d made a serious development in character in terms of trusting someone, and pushing away from what I feared more than anything. But this? With him trying to be all chummy right now, when we’d initiated a relationship with each other, I was scared.

I had all the right reasons to be. Whatever. Fuck.

I needed to clear my head. I needed to focus on something – anything, outside of what was making my mouth turn in a slight frown and ignore the slow moving form underneath me.

“Do you believe it’s true that those born under the sign Taurus crave affection like a drug?” I questioned the moment I’d replied to his text message and sat my phone back down after skimming my tweets.

“I do not crave affection… I’ve always been touchy when it comes to you.” He grumbled as I swiveled my hips, moving to a rhythm that had been stuck in the back of my head as I glared down at him and licked my lips.

We were always close. Chest to chest, nose to – wait okay, never mind because I’m gonna start singing CBK and might get frowned upon, but damn. He is so fucking touchy since I’d loosened up to the idea of him touching me because I wanted him to.

It’s not like I’m complaining, because I wouldn’t let any sensation in the world replace his touch and his intense motions, but trying to tell him about himself definitely made him do the opposite of what I expected – turned him on in an instant as if I was asking for him to do something, anything to me instead of stopping for even a second.

“So, you don’t believe that?” I smirked as he circled my arm and tried to push me down back towards his lips. I peeked down at him and continued to swivel my hips above him as he circled his hand down my thighs and gripped them.

“You believe in all this zodiac shit?” He murmured as he pressed his back against the headboard and connected our lips as I rolled my eyes and sat my phone on the dresser.

“This zodiac shit says we’re like, ultimately compatible.” I trailed my fingertips across his shoulders as he rolled his back off of the cool wood and nipped my bottom lip with vigor.

“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you about chemistry…” I inhaled sharply and smirked once he trailed his hands down my back. “…You’re proving everything totally fucking correct, though. You never were a fan of keeping your hands to yourself when you were turned on…”

“Hmm, really Kace?” His phone buzzed across the table as he glared over at it, pecked way at a few on screen keys and sat it back down before returning to me and glaring back at it.

“Omari keeps hitting me up.” He deadpanned as I closed my eyes and swiveled against him more. I definitely tried to ignore what he’d just said, but I couldn’t escape the expectant look that locked onto me once I opened my eyes again.

 “Figures. He texted me saying that he might want to come shopping with me and your mom tomorrow, talk about fucking awkward…” I grunted as he swirled his tongue around my nipple and glared up at me, instantly halting all awkward conversation about what was on my head.

“Nah. I’ll distract him. I think it’s gonna take some definite double teaming to get him used to this shit, because I ain’t about to let him or anyone else try and fuck this up for me, or you…” He murmured as I gripped his hands and squeezed my hips against him, extinguishing all thoughts.

As long as he would be there for me, I knew I had nothing to stress over. That had been proven over and over again as a fact, and was one of the things I knew I could rely on. I just hoped tomorrow would go on without any more drama, because I definitely didn’t need anything to further upset me about this situation at all.

I crossed my fingers. Hopefully…


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Her brother is so annoying! She’s not a little girl anymore. Let her grow up. I have read that Taurus’ are very affectionate. I’m a little bit into astrology. And my parents are a capricorn and scorpio and those signs are compatible with each other.

Comment by CMH

Really now…. I’m a capricorn and my ex is a scorpio, he sucked lol. Thank you so much 🙂

Comment by KCnvrmnd

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