she writes — you read.


thinking of you drabbles | the way you make me feel #15

set in september ’07 | drabble: surprise | word count: 2,200+

“So, how’s school so far? Tell me something good, you like it?”

“It’s okay, but…. Fuck, oh my f– you’re gonna be so mad at me.” Nothing good could ever come from those words. I glance at her, face still in her phone, and Bluetooth in her ear, but I can tell she’s not on the phone.

She’s addressing me, and now I’m kinda scared. We’ve been in Vegas for all of five hours, and I’ve finally found her suite and I was more excited to be next to her than I thought… or at least I was, until I heard that bullshit.

“Why would I be mad at you?” I furrow my brow at Kacie and she frowns before exiting out of the window on her phone. I could tell she’s been holding something in for the longest and the floodgates are closed but I’m sure soon, she’ll be pissed and crying buckets over something.

“Stuff happened.” She tosses her bag open and doesn’t look at me. I’m not even supposed to be in here, but I had to find my way to the suite she was staying in with her dad and brothers.

“Stuff like?” I think we have at least two hours before her Dad comes back, and she shrugs and squirms.

She’s uncomfortable. What the fuck happened? She hasn’t even been gone for more than a month, and whatever it is, I don’t feel like deciphering it. I watch her glance at me and pull me down next to her, and frown again.

“Okay, don’t be mad but…” She starts talking, then it ends in a spitfire blur of spanglish and I cluck my tongue and wedge it in my cheek. I catch Bailey’s name, and I groan.

I haven’t really been too interested in her freshman year. Myspace has been replaced with Facebook, and I have to creep through Barry’s profile to see what she’s not putting on Myspace anymore. I hate it, because he’s popped up a couple of times, but her updates have been sporadic and a lot of stuff gets kind of blocked out, possibly for my own good.

She probably knows I creep on her like that, but I hate it. I hate what I can’t see. I hate that she’s in a relationship instead of being complicated with him. Confusing should be a relationship status option.

But I know he’s there, and I hate that I don’t think he’s going anywhere, because instead of transferring somewhere else, he did what I couldn’t do. He stuck by her side and went with her without looking back or having any second thought about it.

I fucking hate him, still. She has a life that doesn’t include me. I have a life that means nothing without her.

“Did Bailey do something?” My jaw clenches. She nods. I inhale deeply. I know she doesn’t love him, so it’s definitely the option that has my stomach in knots as I blurt it out.

“You fucked Bailey?” I stand up, and she draws her knees to her chest. Guilt paints her face, and she exhales slowly.

“I mean, like…” She starts to explain, but doesn’t look at me. I bend down and grab her legs, lowering them back to the floor and stilling my hands on her thighs.

I can’t stand to hear this, and I don’t like thinking about it, so I shake my head for her to stop talking. “So you’re not a virgin.”

“And you’re about to get all in your feelings about it, although you’re the only who constantly told me don’t give it to you….” She retorts quickly, and I go back to biting the inside of my jaw.

She wipes her face in frustration and glares at me. The floodgates aren’t just open, they’re gone.

“I wasn’t supposed to feel emotional about telling you this, but I won’t lie to myself, I knew I would be. I just didn’t want to lie to you about it.” She shrugged, and punched me in the thigh.

“Don’t be.” I try to remain as nonchalant about it as possible, and I know she can see right through all of it. She glances down at her phone and shakes her head, then pulls me back down next to her and laps her legs into my lap.

“Why’re you so…I don’t even know, I know you’re mad, but who’s decision was this? Yours.” She reminds me as she pokes me in the side of the head, and I bite down on my bottom lip.

I don’t know if that was supposed to crumble my ego as much as it did, but I knew that she was turning into me and it was fucking with me in the worst way. I didn’t want her to be like I was. And I definitely didn’t want her to be in the same fucked up predicament as I was, figuring out what to do with the person I wanted and spending time with the person I wasn’t so sure I wanted to fill some void.

“He said I was good, that’s like… bullshit though, I mean, he hadn’t done shit with anyone but me. I think I grabbed a piece of his soul. I think I fucked his life up. That’s bad.” She rambled, and I glared at her.

“Don’t taunt me right now.” I lick my lips to sooth the sting, and Kacie pouts and pushes me back in an instant straddle.

“You’re really pressed, oh my god!” She’s back to her cocky self, self-assured and gorgeous and teasing. I roll my eyes as she grabs my hands and playfully, suggestively, mocks me with too much humping and all skin underneath her dress.

I sigh and glance up at her, lip trapped between her teeth and my eyes close.

Out of nowhere, some sense of respect hits me. “Don’t you have a boyfriend? Shouldn’t you stop before you get something started?”

“It’s Vegas! What happens in Vegas stays… and our relationship is, I don’t know… open? Casual? It just works but, I mean, sex is involved now. I’m not gonna do it with you and ruin it. I might need him… just like you need Robyn.” I pretend I don’t hear that and give into her teasing, knowing it’ll get more intense before it cools.

No matter how much we lie to each other and go at each other’s necks over it, we can’t stop touching each other. We can’t be turned off around each other. It’s a cycle that will keep us engaged in each other’s company until we hit a stopping point or breakeven.

“Did you wear this for me?” I ask, eyes traveling down the length of the lightweight dress that’s draped over my lower half.

“Yep,” She whispers, touching the scruff on my chin. I look up at her, feeling her fingers scratching lightly through my hair. “It’s real easy to take off.”

We end up tangled, and I don’t fight it off. I’m pretty sure I’m at the point now to where fighting it is a waste of time, because whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen and be major.

She gets my shirt off and her lips press against my chest until I moan and she pulls away. My nipples are cold and wet in the absence of her mouth. I flip her over, glance at the clock again, and inhale once she glances at me and bites down on one of her fingers.

I’ve gotten her panties half way down my legs when her phone rings and I frown, stopping myself. She kicks them off anyway and sits back, eyes rolling. “Let me take this.”

“Fuck no, tell him to call back.” I can’t believe I’m jealous, but at the same time, I can.

I kissed the inside of her thigh as she pushed my head away, but nothing changes. It’s interesting to see how she’s going to hold her composure and talk to him.

“Can you stop touching yourself and call me back?” It’s breathless, a pant, then a moan. It’s loud enough to each the skylight in her room. I’m painfully turned on by now.

Bailey is a dumbass, and the control and power she has over him scares me. I couldn’t be in his position. I don’t see how he could stand it ­­ – open relationship? I’m too possessive for that shit.

“You’re fucking rude.” I laugh, and she moans and closes her legs, brow furrowing.

“Nah, I’m fucking Bailey.” I hate how her offhanded comment is all it takes to shut me up.

….

“Chris, fuck! Fuuuuuck,” I really think she’s being this loud on purpose. I should feel like shit for being in this position, but the primal and hormonal part of me is convincing me she’s okay with this, knowing that it’s something I do.

Now, I don’t know though. Things have changed once again, and I’m supposed to be changing anyway, not fucking Robyn. We’re supposed to be shopping, and I hate being obviously late when everyone is staying in the same hotel and there’s not too many places I could be or too many people that I could be with that has me late.

“Shut up, shh. Unless you want to get caught,” I clasp my hand over her mouth and continue sliding in and out of her until she bites down on my wrist, and I keep going instead of paying attention to the sting.

“You don’t want me to bite you back.” I harshly whisper and keep my hand around her stomach until she cums and I release her, just a little, to press against the wall. Her knees bang against the shower wall and she sinks, flattening her back against the wall and closing her eyes.

“So, was this your way of saying I can come?”

I don’t know how I ended up here.

I do, but I mean – here. Fucking her, liking it, and succeeding to this idea that I knew would either make me or break me as an entertainer, and set some line for our relationship that I was afraid to bring up.

Where I failed at, she flourished. She was so good at it, really. She always seemed to know what her team members were feeling – what they wanted, and how to get them to do what she wanted, and drumming up this relationship was no different. It was easy to forget sometimes that everything was a part of the game for her.

It was easy to forget that, in all likelihood, she was working me. I don’t answer – there’s a joke on the tip of my tongue about already coming, but I drop it. I’m half-dressed when she saunters up to me, patiently waiting an answer, and briefly glosses the now faded scar on my forehead.

“Ask me about it later.” I slide my shirt over my head as I hear a knock at the door.

She moves like a snake towards it and I inhale sharply as I watch her answer it without giving a shit about the fact anyone could be at the door, and I don’t want to explain her appearance.

Melissa comes in, and posts against the wall. I shake my head and Robyn starts to slowly redress, keeping her eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. I shake my head, and she clucks her tongue as I slide my fitted on and step into my Jordans.

“But Tina said she’d talk to you about it…” Robyn grabs my arm, and I shrug her off.

“She did.” I grab my phone and slide it into my pocket after Barry lets himself in and shakes his head at our company.

“You ready to go bro?” I ask, and he looks between us, and nods.

Robyn is really close, close enough for me to feel her body heat behind me. “You want to be this way? Fine. I’m telling you right now, if you walk through that door I’m not following you.”

I don’t say or do anything. Somehow, my legs move on their own. But then, I realize Barry wasn’t alone, and I curse lowly as I see her backing up against the door, snatching Janina with her and I can’t move at all now.

There’s the sound of a door slamming, followed by an elevator chime. I’m mobile then, and when hot air stings my face, and I vaguely register that I’m outside. I walk against the wind hoping it will numb me, but it burn.

When I can’t take it another second, I stand on the curb and seconds later, I’m in the back of the stretch hummer that was supposed to be filled with more than myself, and when I notice Tina sitting across from me and the driver changed, I curse out loud and watch her furrow her brow.

“Tell me something.” She swallows the rest of whatever she was drinking and places the empty glass on the small bar beside us. When she looks at me, she’s wearing her serious face.

I see Kacie, Janina, Brandon, Britton, and Scooter running up behind them, begging to go with them. I tilt my head back and glance at Tina without opening my mouth as we drive past them, and everyone glances at us as we go by.

“Are you unaware of the fact she’s in love with you, or did you just choose not to tell me? Either way, it ends here, now.” I glare out the window instead of responding, knowing she’s not talking about Robyn.


5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Wow. There he is being selfish yet again. So what she lost her virginity. Did he really think she was supposed to keep her legs closed while you hump everything? Seriously! Poor Kacie its as if no one is for her and Chris having something. I can’t believe Tina told him to do that. And I do think Robyn was being extra loud on purpose.

Comment by CMH

I would really like it if Kacie would keep her distance from Chris. It’s obvious that she needs to.She doesn’t need to deal with him or his selfish ways.

Comment by Jasmine

I just want to know why chris is listening to all these dumasses for..if you really love kacie devaughn and want to make her your wife then who really gives a flying “F” what anyone else says or thinks!! All I’m saying is quit letting people run your life for you and put a ring on it and live it up with the one you love..must say I wouldn’t let ANYONE stand in my way for love..I can’t wait to hear what comes next.

Comment by Amie Barr

Chris cant be mad at her he has Robyn. She allowed to have someone too. Shit he just screwed Robyn like dude come on. Kacie wanted you to be the one but you was on that bullshit so don’t be mad cause she’s doing her. And Tina needs to fuck off . She’s just a hater . Kacie and Chris are friends what wouldn’t they wanna hang together for.

Comment by Monique J

If I was Kacie I would have slapped his ass. His ass having sex with Robyn while Kacie is on the same building. He must have lost how fucking mind. I mean Kacie knows what they do but pushing it in her face. You wonder why the girl can’t say I love you. He can’t have both at the same time. He shouldn’t have let one of them come to Vegas, idiot!! I’m kinda happy she gave it up to bailey and not Chris. It’s one part of her he can’t have with his selfish ways. He has too much of kacie. She drops whatever whenever for him, I know he’ll do the same but she respects him. Chris lacks respect. Boy have they come a long way from the drabbles!!

Comment by forevergoldenone




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