she writes — you read.


thinking of you x 30

a/n: yikes, i haven’t added since MONDAY. my bad. long and lengthy, and a drabble is coming after this (later!)

30.

I really can’t help myself 
I get weak in my knees 
When you’re away 
I can hardly breathe
It is so amazing 
The way you make me feel 
I have to stop and think 
Is this a dream or is it real

“Stop stalking my timeline, motherfucker.” Kacie murmured as I yanked her hair softly as she passed me by and frowned at the load of clothes she’d gotten from the dryer.

“Wifey c’mere,” I licked my lips as she blushed and shook her head. She wasn’t talking to me after I let the combination of my hormones and her swimming and beach yoga get the best of me.

I don’t think it helped that I had found the first pair of gold fronts that I had gotten summers ago in the middle of her packing to send stuff to our place. I put them on instantly and it made her shiver and maul me, but she won’t admit it. Even while she went to shower the sand off of her, she’s still denying it, but whatever. I’ll take the blame this time.

“I took them out. C’mere, please?” I pulled the gold fronts back out of my mouth and she laughed and ran her fingers down her face.

“You’re always tryna make something pop off,” I watched her inhale sharply and whine as she leaned against the staircase and filled the gap in between my open arms. I slouch so our faces are level, and then kiss her hard, even though she’d been emotional all morning.

“You ain’t even lemme finish swimming, nasty! What if Chan saw?” She thumped me in the chest and I shrugged. My head started to itch and I brought my hand up to scratch it and watched her look at me in digust.

“Ugh, that’s why you still have sand in your hair.” She ran her fingers through my hair as I frowned and bent over, dusting her with the sand that was still in my hair.

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking gross!” She shrieked as she disappeared out of the front door and back into the sunny outside. It smells like salt and her mango shampoo once I follow her out, and wrap my arms around her.

“Don’t run off.” I nuzzle her cheek with my nose and she presses her lips against mines. Sexy, playful, she swipes her tongue across and inside, like she’s tasting me. I moan and she bites down on my lip as she pulls away, and separates our formerly touching lower halves.

“No. You’re getting hard again and baby Kacestopher is making me tired…” She says, and I smile, eyes lazily tracking her mouth as it moves and she murmurs something softly about figuring how to beat the fatigue.

“So, are you gonna tell me what happened for you to stop being all in denial and shit and finally admit that I’ve been right about this since I asked you about it the first time?” I go back to carrying the boxes that we would drop off at the post office to mail back to Cali, much to my dismay.

The sun had come out from its hiding spot within the clouds as soon as we started moving stuff, and I was sweating just barely, but it was enough for Kacie to cringe and dart back inside to throw up. I wasn’t sure if I could get used to this. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew Barry did, and he’d be my official go to man for advice and pointers as soon as I let him know about this.

Luckily though, Barry had decided to come out to Virginia and bring Alex with him just for company’s sake, but I knew what it would probably turn into before he even got out here. We’d be engaged in some couple type shit that would probably, no, most likely, alienate any of my cousins who didn’t have someone they could creep with until I put them out.

Baby talk would have to wait, at least for a minute.

I leaned against the fence as I saw that Kacie had come back outside. She started in my direction with a wet towel on her face and a half-empty bottle of ginger ale that surprisingly landed right into the recycling box at the base of the stairs as she walked down them. I picked the box back up and sat it in the trunk of her car as she rolled her eyes at me and I scoffed at her.

“I think I jinxed you asking about throwing up.”

“Number one, fuck you, and two, I hope that your sweaty body isn’t gonna trigger this all the time…” Kacie grimaced at me with her upper lip stiff. I’m still a bit damp and she’s keeping her distance, a few paces behind me.

I leaned into the car through the window and passed her the box of crackers she’d forgotten about the second I saw her hands go to her stomach. She pouted as she pushed a handful into her mouth and sat on one of the rocks outside on the side of the driveway.

“I need to call Morgan,”Kacie mindlessly announced while scrolling through her iPhone.

“I feel like I’m gonna be unable to control things as the summer goes on. Like, everything is gonna turn against me. This is bullshit…”

“I know going back to work is going to be very interesting, and now that this whole mid-summer review thing is coming up as soon as I switch over to the LA offices, everything is gonna start to matter.” She nibbled on her lip as I closed the trunk and stared at her, not moving at all.

“I don’t have any problem with being offered an actual position, even if I’ll have to fight to keep myself known for reasons other than being romantically involved with the Prince of Pop…” She frowned and sighed at me as I rubbed her coconut scented thighs and settled in between her legs with a sly smile at the title.

“It’s easy for you to disassociate it, if you fight hard enough not to become a blog and gossip target. I don’t doubt that as soon as the engagement gets confirmed and then the pregnancy comes out, especially since I know a lot of people are gonna be on you with the Centric stuff you did a while back too, they’re gonna want you on TV. They’re gonna want you all over, but in the end, you’re in control of what you do.”

“I know, like… that’s like the email I got hinting very hard about 106 needing new hosts and I deleted that sooo fast… That’s not where I want to go, I’m trying to get as close to that editor in chief position as I can, and probably write a book or two in the meantime…” She shrugged with a heavy sigh that rattled my body against hers.

I pressed my lips against her forehead softly. “At least you know what you wanna do. It’s always good to have alternatives.”

“That’s because I’m a fuckin’ roamer, but Vibe is where I wanna be and I’m sticking with it. I might be interested in the hosting thing centric wanted to give me since I can tolerate it more than BET, but…” Kacie grimaced and exhaled as she locked her hands behind my back.

“Stop stressing.” I attempted to placate her fears as she pouted and ignored me.

“I’m worried about my career to be, shouldn’t I? Now I’m pregnant, and ion’ really wanna be like Katherine Heigl in knocked up and not tell anybody, i’m gonna have to think about it. Fuck that whole ‘hollywood loves pregnant’ bullshit, Team Breezy will try and kill me a second time.” Kacie swallowed hard as I almost yelled in response, but instead shook my head vigorously in denial. Fuck that.

“As far as Vibe goes, it’s not bad, but this is a paid internship and I don’t feel like I’m being at my absolute best, you know? Like, outside of all of my accomplishments and hard work, I’ve only had a couple of cover features, and I think I honestly only got that Kanye spot because of you and my Chi connections, but maybe not…”

“But you got that online editor thing, and that’s major.” I reminded her and she shrugged.

“True, but honestly, if I hadn’t been revealed as your girl, nobody would really care that much for what I was interested in or the praise and admiration I had for anyone else’s hustle. I’ma have to work real hard to make my way to be editor in chief,” She frowned and shrugged as an after-thought.

“Maybe they can create something special for me, like a new position,” She mused, drumming her fingers up and down my back. “I could be like, the residential social media advisory editing super awesome go-to-guide.”

“I think your title lost credit when you put super awesome into the mix,” I laughed and she groaned. “But whatever you put your mind to, I know you’re hardheaded and stubborn enough to make it work.”

“I had a two year plan, but plans are meant to be revised… so I guess now when I’m twenty five and we have a soon to be two year old, we’ll be alright…” Kacie shrugged as I pulled back and resumed touched her thighs, unable to stop touching her for any reason.

“Aye, you about to cry over this?” My fingertips stopped working when I watched her fight back tears.

“Don’t look at me like that… I’ve been moody since we came back from that first prenatal visit, you know this. I swear she put some type of switch inside of me that was like, pregnancy emotions on!” She dramatically flailed as I laughed and she kneed me in the abdomen at my reaction.

“Shut up, oh my god. Don’t laugh. I’ma let this career issue hang back and just cook. I figured it’s not all that bad. I start my last round of classes soon online, then my summer convocation is in August, so I’m thinking I could walk across the stage, and then down the aisle…” She shrugged as she rubbed my abs and wiped the dampness on her hand onto my shirt, which made me roll my eyes.

“So you just got it all figured out, huh?” I licked my lips and she nodded with a saucy smirk on her face.

“I mean, no matter what, I’m taking root with you, even if it is earlier than I planned. A little part of me wonders if you’ve set me up in some sort of way to make sure I didn’t find some reason to ditch your ass.” She pulled open the door and sat in the passenger’s side seat as I put the final box in the trunk and looked at her in disbelief.

“You just all set huh? You gon’ lemme get some of your confidence about things for Father’s day? ‘Cause ion’ think I’ma be able to hold in my excitement, even if I gotta play it off.” I questioned as she got out and folded her arms across her chest.

I think she’s still a bit irked that more of my people know than hers. She was really irked when Danzell instantly figured it out, but he has a kid of his own, so maybe it was hella obvious or something…

It was only Saturday morning, but by tomorrow night, I was definitely going to hit my family that didn’t know that we were engaged with news about the baby too, because I couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was rare that I had good news to share, and this topped all of it.

“Technically it’s not father’s day, so you don’t get shit from me.” Kacie complained as I followed her back up the stairs to double check that we’d locked up good enough until her dad came back.

Just the thought alone, fatherhood, excited me a lot. I wanted to mention it to anyone who would listen, but I knew it wasn’t time for that yet. Holding it in until we got married was just out of the question, and for the first time, everything seemed to start stack on top of me like weights, all over again.

“Next year then? Accepting responsibilities is hard, damn. Ion’ see how you managed for so long.” I rambled as she glanced at me with a nonchalant shrug.

I feel like something changed tonight, like we had a breakthrough. Marriage, Fatherhood, almost dying, escaping being in a possibly worst situation with Robyn…it was ridiculous as hell the life I had found myself getting used to again. I had to get my priorities together too, just like Kacie had realized while she did her own thing about beginning to cement herself into something stable for the next stage in our lives together.

I had already started to map out how to do it.

I’m going in to this brand new phase of our relationship with my eyes wide open. It’s common sense; survival. There’s a lot to prepare for and this sense of preparation can’t be taken lightly at all.

I needed to work up enough exposure to be able to sit down once Kacie started showing and we got closer to August, the loosely mentioned month she had tossed out to exchange our vows. I’d drummed up three concepts to replace touring, or at least to minimize the dates and make it easier for the two of us to maneuver around.

I had decided on as many music videos that I could shoot, a commercial, possibly doing a few performances ­­– that would be the trickiest part – and one or two interviews, especially while a lot of people had started to throw bait at me after the whole ‘near death’ thing. I’d toss it all on a DVD and re-release Fortune as soon as Kacie gave birth, just so I could chill.

“You’re giving me the reason to celebrate father’s day in the first place, so I don’t need anything else from you.” I conclude as she blushes, and kisses me on the corner of my mouth before pushing her keys into my hand.

“You’re not driving?” I question as she purses her lips and shakes her head.

“Nah. honestly, I think I’ma climb in the backseat and go to sleep.”

“And this is coming from the same chick who wanted a Lamborghini? You ain’t gon be able to climb in the back of that and go to sleep.” I softly scolded her as she put her seatbelt on and waved me off.

“Whatever. I’ma call your mom before I doze though.”

Between stopping to get food from Zest and her going through half of the box of saltines, when my mom announced that she was cooking and Kacie took her off of speakerphone, I was surprised that she could eat anything else.

“Jayhawk, you gon’ make me some macaroni? I want some macaroni sooooo bad.” Kacie held her phone against her ear as I heard my mom’s laughter.

“It’s weird; it was like boom, pregnant! Then boom, cravings, hey you gotta go pee, hey you’re gonna stub your toe and get freaked out and overreact more than you normally do…it’s like as soon as we got that confirmation, everything really got turned on.” Kacie started twirling her engagement band around her finger as she kept her phone against her ear and shoulder, and glanced at me every so often.

“You ain’t tell me everything was gon’ fall into place like dominos.” She quietly murmured into the phone as I focused on the road ahead.

“Mooooooom,” She whined and laughed as I heard my mom continue talking on the other end of the phone. “We should be there in a while. I’m only saying a while ‘cause I’m sure we’re gonna have to stop like… a lot of times once that nausea comes back or I have to pee.”

“This kid doesn’t even have structure yet and I swear now that I’m fully aware of it and not denying it anymore, it’s all I can think of and feel and be aware of and it’s creepy. I can’t stop thinking about it.” Kacie admitted to my mom as I pulled onto the highway and she pulled up her shirt to rub her stomach.

“Oh man, I’ma have to deal with you and her crying until we go home?” I asked as she slapped me in the arm.

“Oh my god did you just say imagine when I start showing? Tuh! I ain’t bout that life,” Kacie started to blush as she glanced at her phone in disbelief. “Are you crying? Don’t! ‘Cause I’ll cry, and yo…”

“Ma! Aye dios mio, Ma okay, Jayhawk pleeeeease. We’ll talk later.” Kacie murmured into the phone and pouted softly as she reclined her seat and furrowed her brow as she put her hands over her face.

“Can it be February already? ‘Cause maaaaan, listen…”

….

“You can’t come here and go right into the kitchen!” I lightly scolded Kacie as she went into drawers until she found another spoon and started in on the small dish of macaroni.

“She made me macaroni. I’m gon’ eat this macaroni and you gon’ leave me alone,” she responded as she ate one spoonful and moaned afterwards, making me roll my eyes.

“You’re not gonna share?” I questioned as she shook her head. “Did you think about sharing when we were at my Nani’s and you ate my soup before I did? No? Alright then, get out of the kitchen.”

“Mama! Kacie ain’t sharing!” I yelled as my mom rounded the corner and shook her head at me. I wrapped my arms around her and pouted as she looked up at me and mirrored my actions.

“She’s pregnant, leave her alone. Lemme see that stomach, girl.” Her smile got bigger as she approached Kacie and patted her stomach which made her complain.

“I’m bloated, you caught me on a good day. Kacie whined and my mom laughed.

I leaned against the counter at their interactions and I could tell for some reason it seemed to put my mom in this space I hadn’t seen her in before. Happier, excited, more doting, like when I used to get sick real bad when I was younger after playing in the creek like I ain’t have sense.

“I have so much stuff I can give you now,” she clapped her hands together excitedly as she disappeared back into the living room and Kacie raised her eyebrow in mild horror.

“C’mon, I got you a gift!” I don’t think I could recall my mom being this excited in a long time.

I grabbed her macaroni and followed her into the living room and sat down on the couch as I watched Kacie glance at me and swat at my leg after eating a spoonful of it.

“It’s Father’s day tomorrow though,” I stretched my legs out and stared out the floor to ceiling windows as she waved me off. “You ain’t get me nothin’?”

“You and your father will enjoy tomorrow, but right now, this is for Kacie.” I pouted as my mom bent behind the side of the couch and pulled out a box, passing it to Kacie.

“I know you like cupcakes, so…” I leaned forward as I watched Kacie open the box to reveal four smaller boxes, two with pink trim and two with blue.

She opened one with a crinkle in her nose before loudly cooing when she unfurled the makeshift cupcake. I just watched, interested, wondering what this was and silently mouthing thank you to my mom as I got comfortable next to Kacie.

She slowly unfurled the big center cupcake to reveal a bound setup of a small blanket, onesie, socks, small knit cap, and a bib that read “dad’s number one girl” on it. There were smaller ones too, with baby-themed titles and coordinating outfits, like the black, white, and blue one called Oreo Blast that I couldn’t stop looking at after she placed the box in my lap.

Super tiny outfits for a super tiny kid that would soon be taking up most of her, and we would be parents after all the bullshit I’d put her through… wow. If there was anything I still couldn’t believe, this was it. How I was getting what I wanted. How things just seemed to come together in my favor. This was my surrealism.

“This is so f–“ Kacie launched herself into my mom’s shoulder as I laughed and opened the other box to unfurl the boy’s version. It was just as admittedly cute, with the same thing in a shade of blue and all boy-friendly.

“This is so cute!” She continued to erupt in excitement as we unfurled all the cupcakes together, and eventually, she broke out in tears and I rubbed the small of her back with a slight headshake.

“Ya’ll ain’t have to do this for me man,” She hiccupped and I watched my mom touch her shoulder and pull her back into her.

“Forreal, like… no matter how long you preached to me about being patient and having faith and waiting, I never thought I’d get everything in a snap, you know what I mean?” She sighed and we looked up when we heard the door chime and saw Christine and her crew come in with Barry and Alex in tow.

“Hold up, you pregnant?” Christine instantly slapped me in the back of my head as I winced and Kacie nodded.

“Ya’ll ain’t waste no time, huh?”

“I mean, it be like that sometimes…” I meekly murmured as Barry yanked me up from the couch and I was pulled out of the living room too damned fast, just in time to see Christine take my previous seat and for Alex to lower herself into a chair.

“You know we’re about to celebrate, right?” Barry questioned as I tried to keep my face in my twitter app and ignore him and the rant I knew was coming, so I nodded and mashed my hands into my face as he pulled me through the house and back to my bedroom.


This wasn’t shit compared to what was gonna happen tomorrow, and my stomach actually curled at the thought. I hoped I made it out of this in one piece….


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I’m so happy for them! And lol at his auntie slapping him in the back of the head. I’m sure everyone has an aunt that does that. Kacie everything will be fine. Chris has your back and both of y’all families have your backs. The cupcake thing was so cute! I’m so excited for them as if I know them. Lol!

Comment by CMH

Aww too cute. Theyre gonna be great parents. Lol at Chris jinxing Kacies morning sickness lol. Love how there planning there future and tryin to get things together before baby Kacestophers arrival. Aww i love Ms. .Joyce. Her presents were to cute. (s/n I gotta learn how to make that cupcake thing ) I love this story.

Comment by Monique J




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